Some Tips for Handling Fear!

Halloween is here!

Does your child enjoy the spookiness of Halloween, or are they scared of the costumes, ghost stories, and the dark?

Some kids are fearless, whereas others are fearful of what might seem like everything!

Some fears are normal, and even good for us! Being scared of things like spiders, snakes, and heights, is pretty normal! A reasonable amount of fear for these things keeps us from getting hurt.

Other fears are less normal and can get in the way of living a fun, relaxing, and engaging life! Let’s look at some examples!

Picky eaters are often scared of new foods. When you put a new food with a different smell, texture, or yucky look to it, the child might show signs of being scared (example: by crying, pushing the food away, backing up, and sometimes even tantruming!). Even though, the worst thing that can happen when you try a new food is that you don’t like the taste, and you wash the taste away with a drink or a food you do like.

Some kids are scared of loud noises like fire alarms! Do you remember as a kid during fire drills that some other kids got really upset and scared when the alarm went off, even though they knew there was no fire? Listening to the alarm might be annoying, but it’s not what most people would call ‘scary’.

My nephews are TERRIFIED of having their hair washed because they’re so scared of getting soap in their eyes (even when there’s no soap involved). But, they don’t have a problem dunking their entire heads while swimming at the pool…

Fear is a strange thing! Sometimes it’s rational and helpful, other times it’s irrational and harmful.

So what can we do when it’s irrational and harmful? (Harmful meaning getting in the way of having a fun, relaxing, and engaging life while keeping your body healthy and safe)

We can break down the scary situations into really really really really REALLY small, not-so-scary steps.

Like with picky eating, sometimes just the sight of new food is scary, let alone taking a bite, chewing, and swallowing! So the first step might just to be able to look at the new food, or have it on a separate plate at the table while you’re eating. After the fear goes away at that step, the next step might be to put the food on your own plate while you eat something else, then to touch the food, smell the food, lick the food, all the way up until they can try and swallow a small bite!

Similarly, with being scared of washing one’s hair, maybe the first step is just holding a cup of water over the head without pouring, and then pouring only a little, and then a little more at a time until they don’t mind rinsing their hair!

Another helpful thing is to make sure there’s a very rewarding experience right after experiencing one of these small steps!

You might follow up trying a new food (or a small step towards trying a new food) with eating a favourite food!

You might follow up washing hair (or a small step towards washing hair) with lots of bath toys and fun bath activities!

The goal is to make the steps small enough to be manageable, and not as scary!

Learning to conquer fears and cope with uncomfortable situations and being rewarded for persevering are all important skills for kids to learn that you can help teach in these, and similar situations!

What is something that your child is scared of? Is it irrational or rational? Does it affect their daily life?

Some fears might be too big to tackle on your own, and you might need to seek help from a psychologist and/or behavior analyst. If you’re not sure, feel free to contact us for a free initial consultation!

Remember, you’ve got this! Have a spooky (but maybe not too spooky) Halloween!