How do we and our kids make choices?
- Danielle
- Apr 28, 2020
- 2 min read
Updated: Apr 29, 2020
You might have heard of the saying “Behaviour goes where reinforcement flows” before, but you might not know the history behind why this phrase rings so true!
This phrase comes from a concept called “The Matching Law” which is a mathematical law
that predicts the way we make choices about how we behave based on the ratio of reinforcement/reward available for engaging in those behaviours!
We are constantly making choices! Think about how many choices you make in a day without realizing it…
Am I going to have cereal or toast for breakfast?
Should I wear my rain jacket or a hoodie?
Am I going to watch Netflix, or catch up on work?
Should I get gas tonight, or wait until tomorrow?
Should I cook potatoes or rice with dinner tonight?
What day should I schedule that meeting?
Am I going to push my son to eat that last piece of broccoli tonight, or let him off the hook?
And if you’re a kid, a lot of choices seem pretty easy! Uh, duh I want ice cream for dinner instead of salad. Of course I want to play Xbox instead of doing my homework! I’m definitely going to ask you for extra hugs, snacks, and stories before bed if it keeps you in my room and delays my bedtime by an extra few minutes!
The matching law is basically a cost-benefit analysis for all the choices we make. It explains how we tend to make choices that get us the most reward, for the least amount of effort… There are some exceptions, but usually, if you think about it hard enough, there are some pretty valuable rewards in place for most of the things we choose to do – whether we get something physical out of it, like a yummy treat, or we get a nice feeling, like the happiness and satisfaction you might get for helping someone out!
So next time you notice your child start to whine, or cry, or allocate a lot of their time to one activity, think about this cost-benefit ratio, and whether you can influence it to guide them towards healthier choices, like getting that homework done, eating a healthy snack, going outside for some exercise, or communicating their wants and needs with you!
And don’t forget to think about it for yourself too, because sometimes it’s easier and more rewarding in the moment to cave into a tantrum rather than work through it with your child, but working through it in that moment might save you some headaches and be much more rewarding in the long-run!
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